Welcome co-director part two.  Just when I thought I was ready to wind down, the co-director position screamed my name.  Had I not decided to re-run, the thought of it would have haunted me forever.  But here I am...term two of APAC co-director.  I still have to get through the rest of this year but after a quick breather, I'll be ready to continue our progress.

I don't know what I'm doing this summer nor do I know what I want to do with my time next year.  It's already April.  People have asked me what my summer plans are and summer break starts in a month.  My motivation lately has been crap.  Everything is difficult from getting out of bed, to cleaning my room, and doing school work especially.  Spring Break ended 2 weeks ago and I only unpacked my luggage today.  Yeah...I've been partially living out of a duffel bag in my own room.

I don't have an internship this summer as I had hoped and at this point I don't think I'm going to get one.  I've been blaming the economy for the internship cut backs at certain places but I know for sure that I haven't been trying hard enough.  Knowing that I have a chance again next year may be contributing to my lack of effort as well.  I need an internship to graduate though but somehow that's not enough reason to push me.  Yeah I don't know what's wrong with me either.  I'm still at Starbucks so I can choose to stay here for another summer and just work there.  Or I can find a Starbucks around home to transfer to.  That's what I want to do but I probably should have started calling around a while ago.  I suck.

As far as next year, I don't know what I want to do with my spare time.  Do I seek another leadership role or do I call it quits and kick back my last year here?  I've been so involved since Freshman year pretty much.  A lot of my time has went into the student organization stuff but I've sacrificed some other things as a result.  I definitely haven't invested much time into the friends I've made here and knowing that a lot of them won't be here next year is a real bummer.  I also thought DJ'ing would carry on throughout college for me but I haven't invested much time into that either.

So what do I do?  A lot of things that I've done in college has been towards the positive impact on the lives of others.  I get a high off of those things like planning social events for PSA to raising money for a good cause to putting together FACT.  Those highs only last so long though.

What to do, what to do.

slowly but surely, all nighters are returning.  somehow i was able to correct my sleeping habits when school started but now im getting back into my bad cycle:  stay up all night, be tired throughout the day, take a long ass mid-day nap, and repeat.  the worse part is, it makes me miss my 8am classes!

the only reason im up now is cuz i loaded up on caffeine.  i stayed at grainger for almost 8 hours straight.  i got there at 7pm and left at about 3am.  i'll probably have to do that a few more times until im all caught up in school work.  once that happens though, i'll probably fall behind again in no time.

i haven't had the urge to blog anymore but since im up for no reason and im tired of facebook and the psa forums, this is something new.

within the past week, i realized something new about myself.  i can speak out and express my opinions quite freely but i find it difficult to express my feelings and emotions.  im pretty sure it was the other way around before.  i usually vented within my blogs and/or away messages.  i definitely don't do that anymore.  so where does it all go?  pretty much nowhere or in other words, i bottle it up.  but don't worry, i'm not angry or anything.

well i guess i'll try to sleep again.  until next time xanga.  next time probably won't be for another 6 months or so.